@xeyednpainless: If you tell me to "chillax," I will "chillstab" you and "chillaugh" while you bleed to "chilldeath."
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@LurkAtHomeMom: I feel bad for women who say finding true love is the best experience in life. They've obviously never found their bra size on clearance.
@RobertJrDowney: I think Voldemort's face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
@KattWillliams: Did you know that the new iPhone 5 helps people lose weight? When you pay for it you can't afford to eat for a month.