@Contwixt: If you tell me your kid is 22 months and I buy it a beer, that's on you. That is your bad.
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@imence2: "I'm sure if I show my gf my Twitter, she'll understand it's just for fun." Said a bunch of now single guys.
@XplodingUnicorn: Teacher: Fill out the parent form. Me: Why? Teacher: So I can contact you if your kid gets in trouble. Me: *writing* Raised. By. Wolves.
@david8hughes: The first fireman to get called to rescue a cat in a tree must have had the hose wrestled from him before someone told him to get a ladder.