@badbanana: If you tell me you're a fan of One Direction, please clarify if you're referring to the boy band or Kim/Kanye's baby.
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@rodtopia: I once dated a woman who thought windmills were solar powered. I'm so glad I don't drink anymore.
@jjhartinger: Co-Worker: You say apparently a lot. Me: Yes, I know. CW: It really bothers me. M: Apparently so. CW: You don't care. M: Apparently not.
@TheMichaelRock: *catches 4yo putting on deodorant* Me: What are you doing? 4yo: Feeding my armpits. Me....as you were.
@roostermustache: Kid: help my cat's stuck in a tree can you save him Me: of course little girl *throws bible at cat* do you accept jesus as your lord