@junejuly12: If you tell your coworkers you sleep in the nude, no one bothers you when you close your office doors at 2pm every day.
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@dafloydsta: [therapy] ME: *in tears* So anyway, that's why I think she left me PERSON ON ELEVATOR: Please, I have a family
@dannyboy7813: Me: I've got distressed genes. Friend: Don't you mean distressed jeans. M: Have you met my family?
@thatUPSdude: Turns out HR doesn't care if it's national underwear day, you have to wear pants to work.
@ThaJawn: Interviewer: What's your greatest strength? Me: I'm hyper observant Interviewer: You have mustard in your beard Me: Oh..