@radtoria: if you tell your guests your house was just broken into and fake cry they will clean it for free
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@TheDailySchmuck: *makes third wish* Lastly, I want to be irresistible to women. [Transformed into really nice handbag] Dammit.
@DukEB51: My wife is such a bad cook,if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
@jonnysun: grandpa: ur father changed after the war me: somtimes emojis i never use appear in my frequently used page and i dont kno how they got there
@Discourt: As an adult, I'm most afraid when my children's toys randomly make noise and nobody is in their rooms....