@radtoria: if you tell your guests your house was just broken into and fake cry they will clean it for free
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@tastefactory: If a zombie approaches you, bop it on the nose with a rolled-up magazine and say NO.
@vineyille: [Pastabot 2000 attempts to hand me another bowl of pasta] Jesus christ not now Pastabot
@robdelaney: Tim Cook announces iPhone charger cord to be long enough to reach a socket, Apple stock price quadruples.
@DanMentos: "Your son's been involved in a shenanigan" What kinda shenanigans? "It was just one shenanigan" You called me down here for one shenanigan?