@radtoria: if you tell your guests your house was just broken into and fake cry they will clean it for free
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@ArfMeasures: "I've invented the toaster" SADISTIC CEO: What number toasts it perfectly? "2" SC: ok make it *cries with laughter* make it go up to 8
@RocketRankoon: "What time is it?" *pulls out phone, checks Twitter, puts phone away* *Still has no idea what time it is*
@LindaInDisguise: I hate how Pinterest highlights that some moms make pancakes that look like animals when I can't even make pancakes that look like pancakes.
@Rollinintheseat: Tiptoeing would be much more fun if your toes made that tinkling sound like they do in cartoons.