@bazecraze: If you think it's hilarious that George Bush is getting a library, wait till you hear he was our PRESIDENT for EIGHT YEARS.
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@OtherDanOBrien: [Computer has become self-aware] Scientist 1: Shit, just like in Terminator Computer: I HAVE WRITTEN SOME POETRY Scientist 2: No, worse
@XplodingUnicorn: Random woman in the store: What's in your mom's tummy? 5-year-old: A baby. Woman: What kind of baby? 5-year-old: A human one. Nailed it.
@Mr_Kapowski: HR said it's not necessary but I like my sickness to be taken seriously by having my mom send in an email validating my degree of sickness
@daemonic3: [interview] "Any special talents?" I can unlock any fingerprint reader "By hacking?" [flashes back to hacking off victims' fingers] Yes