@bazecraze: If you think it's hilarious that George Bush is getting a library, wait till you hear he was our PRESIDENT for EIGHT YEARS.
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@3sunzzz: H: Did you remember to pick up the seal so the tub will stop leaking? M: *holding a baby seal* You should have been more specific.
@mellimelle: In case anyone asks, we found these dead hookers while we were digging holes in the woods.
@ShortSleeveSuit: [driving behind a van with a “watch for motorcycles” sticker] Me [leans over to wife]: Haha what kind of idiot would take that trade