@ExecDad1: If you think men aren't good listeners then whisper "C'mere, I'm naked" and I will hear you eight states away.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: Can I borrow a dollar? Me: You don't have a job. How will you pay me back? 5: Me: 5: I'll borrow another dollar.
@TheHyyyype: PREGNANT WIFE: oh my god, my water broke! ME: ok stay calm, i know what to do *googles "how to fix water"*
@NicCageMatch: A surprise party on someone's birthday isn't surprising. A better time would be 3-4 months after their birthday, in the middle of the night.