@PussycatPlace: If you think my grey hair tells a story, you should see the unmarked graves in my back yard.
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@JustDontBugMe: F1: I'm going camping. F2: What about the wild animals? F1: I've got that covered. I've been secretly training at Furry conventions.
@sarcasm_inc: A group of chimpanzees walking out of a Banana Republic is called "disappointed" Except for Charlie there, who scored a nice sundress.
@KalvinMacleod: [me, in a sting operation] Can I buy your best stuff? DRUG DEALER: what do u mean by stuff? *talking into my shirt* what do I mean by stuff?
@LoveNLunchmeat: Daughter has amputated three dolls in the span of twelve hours. Really hoping our dog is smart enough to stay away from her.