@DrunkMidLife: If you think my tweets are bad, you should see my choice in men.
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@CatherineLMK: Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
@dreamthievin: Greeting card [cover] Sorry to hear about your Alzheimer's [inside] Sorry to hear about your Alzheimer's
@hyperseas: Guys, don't ever tell a girl that she's yummier than a gummy bear, she'll know it's not true because nothing is yummier than a gummy bear.
@KimmyMonte: HEY TWITTER IF I WANTED 10,000 CHARACTERS THAT I WASN'T INTERESTED IN I WOULD START WATCHING GAME OF THRONES