@DrunkMidLife: If you think my tweets are bad, you should see my choice in men.
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@GaryJanetti: I just found out five people I went to high school with are dead. What's taking the rest of them so long?
@tchrquotes: When she said "I think we got way too much pizza." I knew I Finally had my chance to shine, to be the hero.
@RickAaron: In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.