@TheHarmonster: If you think your life is awful my mom keeps track of my "cycle" and just told me that I'm ovulating and that I should mingle more.
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@causticbob: A salesman knocked on my door today. "Who currently provides your Internet?" he asked. I said, "My next door neighbour."
@causticbob: I recently got a tattoo with Chinese symbols that reads, "I don't know. I don't speak Chinese." Then when people ask me what it means...
@Reverend_Scott: Carl: Cold out night. Me: Tell me something I don't know. Carl: NASA found LSD improved spiders' ability to make webs. Me: Fair enough.