@TheHarmonster: If you think your life is awful my mom keeps track of my "cycle" and just told me that I'm ovulating and that I should mingle more.
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@theshamingofjay: Dad: Remember when I told you Santa wasnt real Me: Yea Dad: There's one more thing Me: Don't say it Dad: Retirement Me: *sobs uncontrollably
@lovemyboots111: "One day I caught myself smiling for no reason, then I realized I was thinking of you...." under a moving bus
@goodersuk74: Unless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face open I really dont need to hear about your gym workout