@TheHarmonster: If you think your life is awful my mom keeps track of my "cycle" and just told me that I'm ovulating and that I should mingle more.
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@DanMentos: [couples therapy] me: she’s always correcting me. I hate it with every fiber of my bean therapist: did you just say bean
@CatherineLMK: How come when someone says “we need to talk” it’s never about ice cream or Star Wars?
@3sunzzz: [Bob Dylan giving singing lessons] I'd like you to sing it again, but this time plug your nose and put these 5 marbles in your mouth.