@MikeDrucker: If you told Alexander Hamilton that the online lottery to see his rap musical was unavailable due to server overload, he'd be like, "WITCH!"
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@just1fool: You know what they say about a man with average sized feet. It's really easy to find shoes for him.
@thepunningman: Me: Sorry, my son spilled the water Waiter: No problem, I'll get you a new one Me: [grabbing his arm] Make sure this one likes sports
@Vice_Queen: [Me flirting with a twenty something] Him: When last did you get lit? Me: This morning. It was really sunny so I was well illuminated.