@Midgetspar: If you try to rip somebody's head off, I suggest you train for it first. If you don't succeed it makes the following few minutes awkward.
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@jimmytorosian: I bring giant stuffed animals into carnivals so when I walk around people will think that I am good at something.
@bridger_w: When I die, please bury me wrapped in a sheet. That way I won't have to look for one when I become a ghost
@joejwest: [jail] ME: I want my phone call COP: Ok. Make it count ME: [dials payphone] [cop's mobile rings] COP: Hello? ME: Please let me go