@LoveNLunchmeat: If you tweet about orthopedic shoes enough, you don't even need to write "No DMs" in your bio.
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@briangaar: If you pull a lizard's tail off, it will grow back. If you pull it off again, the lizard will be like "dude."
@1evilidiot: Just heard the phrase naturally boneless chicken and that'll keep me awake tonight.
@dulcetry: I just want to be rich enough where I snap my fingers and 7 people fight over who gets to make me my next grilled cheese.
@agathagotstoned: *walks out into irradiated air using an antique porcelain teacup as a gas mask* *dies instantly, but with a touch of class*