@LoveNLunchmeat: If you tweet about orthopedic shoes enough, you don't even need to write "No DMs" in your bio.
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@10InchesPlus: "Welcome to the Association Against Acronyms & Abbreviations, your office is this way..." - "We should call it AAAA!" "You're fired."
@BigHeb7: My wife takes 13 bikinis for a 4-day beach trip. Meanwhile, I'm rocking the swimming trunks my mom bought at K-Mart in 1991.
@Fred_Delicious: Good cop: u want a drink? Good cop 2: I love your shirt Good cop 3: ur so ripped dude Good cop 4: the bad cops are striking today, handsome