@GayAtHomeDad: If you use the word "ridonkulous" or "ginormous," chances are you're a retardiot.
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@AnkCoupleTO: Me: I crave your sweetness on my lips Her: Who are you talking to in there? M: *stumbles out of pantry with Nutella all over my face* nobody
@blazed_ncis: *going through mail* "bills bills bills bills bills" "I think I'll unsubscribe from Daily Ducks Magazine."
@BreadFoster: I can't wait until Taylor Swift breaks up with a black guy so she can put out a rap album.