@omgthatspunny: If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
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@Xoolun: I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don't show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills.
@TweetsByTheTony: The Lion King is probably my favorite children's movie about running away from your problems until you're strong enough to kill your uncle.
@jackmackenroth: If I had kids I would name them Ctrl, Alt and Delete so when they misbehaved I would just hit them all at once.
@Brentweets: Chipotle has been hacked for an hour and hasn't noticed... Taylor Swift was hacked and wrote an album about it 30 seconds after.