@omgthatspunny: If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
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@Staggfilms: [first date] Her: You made a giant Pentagram out of fries and ketchup? Me: Just get naked and step into the circle. Don't make this weird.
@samalmightysam: -Honey, what made you fall in love with me? -Your mother. -But my mother lives 5000 miles away. -That's why...
@Cyd10e: 4 y/o: What's your job? Me: I stay at home, take care of you, clean, cook the food... 4: That sounds boring. Do you want me to fire you?