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@arascoje: If you want my opinion ask my wife
@Phoebetate: To the squirrel carrying the mushroom up a tree to his nest: you may want to eat that with your feet firmly on the ground, buddy.
@KalvinMacleod: Shout out to my kids.
BECAUSE SHOUTING IS THE ONLY WAY THEY HEAR ME.
@Brianhopecomedy: I'm circling the auto shop and hoping that my mechanic can hear me yelling, "BRAKES!".
@MableGertrude: It's funny how you become mom's new favorite when your sibling is in jail.
@wizdom: Cop : "Lets Do a drug test" Me: "Cool, which drugs are we testing?"