@junejuly12: If you want some alone time, tell your husband that you're going to watch the Bachelor. Even if you're not.
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@neiltyson: Exterminators: The only profession in which you put yourself out of business by being really good at your job.
@jonnysun: [taking atendance] teacher: jimmy jimmy: here teacher: susie susie: here teacher: (sighs) omnipresemt sentinel omnipresent sentinel: ａｌｗａｙｓ
@GrantTanaka: having sex w/ a girl who has multiple personalities would be awesome unless one of those personalities was hitler
@MissBamantha: A Haiku For My Salad: I do not like you You will never be grilled cheese You make my mouth sad