@Prero22: If you want to become a beatboxing champion, try zipping up a tight dress.
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@buhsbaby_baby: Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
@maughammom: Told my kids to get rid of toys they don't play with, so if you hear a commotion it's just them desperately playing with every toy they own.
@XplodingUnicorn: 3-year-old: *dumps Cheez-its on the floor* Me: What are you doing?! 3-year-old: Feeding the Roomba.