@j0eg0d: If you want to drink and drive you better bring enough for the whole highway.
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@Midgetspar: If I was a police sketch artist I wouldn't listen to the victim. I'd draw a majestic gay dragon then flip it over and be all, "Is this him."
@Ratchet7Don: The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged my own groceries until I unpacked them all and said, "That's how I want you to do it."
@Dank_Pal: They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys
@Celestinelea90: My heart says cheese dip but my jeans say for the love of god woman eat some celery.