@j0eg0d: If you want to drink and drive you better bring enough for the whole highway.
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@candace_9871: It's like my Mom used to say, always keep a positive pregnancy test around in case you need to ruin a man's life.
@drwgmawr: Sneezed while doing sign language and accidentally threw up a gang sign. 17 drug lords are chasing me down the street. Send help.
@OhHellsYes: I need a car. Hiding in people's trunks and hoping they're going to Wal-Mart isn't working out for me.
@KalvinMacleod: ME: A bag of my favorite peanuts has gone missing. LIAM NEESON: How did you get this number?