@pippydrydocking: If you want to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 9am, don't be open.
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@ashmensch: "Excuse me, but the sign says 'No shirt, no shoes, no service.' It doesn't say a goddamn thing about no pants." - Me, drunk at Target
@Jake_Vig: [engineer looking at blueprints] "Well, here's your problem right here. You built this thing on rock and roll."
@amazymay72x: LIES! STOP THE LIES! -My reply to my husband whenever he tells me he's gonna "repair that".