@partlyfunny: If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
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@kelkulus: Felix Baumgartner's 127,000 ft jump becomes world's greatest free fall, unseating previous record set by the 2008 US Economy. #spacejump
@AimeeHelene1: My CW just barked. Ok, it may have been a burp, but I'd like him a lot more if he were turning into a dog, so I think he barked.
@bea_ker: Just went for a piss while still wearing my microphone and the whole conference heard me call the urinal a "thirsty boy"
@jazmasta: They probably could have called lightbulbs, just "bulbs". Most people would still get it.