@partlyfunny: If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
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@ComedicBust: Me: Can I please sleep? Brain: No. Now sing Mambo #5 again. Me: But I hate that song! Brain: I don't give a shit! Me: 1, 2, 3-4-5...
@Eightinchgoat: My son asked me what language they speak in England. This would have been cute if he wasn't 20 ... And in college.
@DanielJHannan: Babies are very like governments, you know. Constant appetite at one end, constant mess at the other. And they only ever get bigger.
@longwall26: "My dream is to create something that both dogs and fraternity brothers will enjoy chasing with equal vigor." -- inventor of the frisbee