@partlyfunny: If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
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@Book_Krazy: Boss: Where were you on Friday? Me: It was a holiday. Boss: HALLOWEEN IS NOT A PAID HOLIDAY! Me: It is if you go as Christmas. Boss:...
@lcwf70: You said imagine my life without you... So I closed my eyes & am on a beach with a man who knows how to change a toilet paper roll.
@JessiCanadian: I wish I could see the look of surprise and wonder on my son's face when he opens his lunchbox full of tampons today. Payback for talkback.
@XplodingUnicorn: I accidentally dripped some mustard on my newborn daughter’s forehead and long story short a nurse just walked in and saw me lick the baby.