@trevso_electric: If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
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@Mr_Kapowski: [helping my kid with contractions] Me: Would've Her: Would have M: Nice. I'll H: I will M: Good. Won't H: Won not M: Excellent
@OBiiieeee: my last girlfriend broke up wth me after she went through my phone and i refused to tell her why i searched for goth grandpas
@faulkingway: (Starbucks drive thru) Me: I'd like to pay-it-forward for the car behind me. Barista: That will be $30 Me: How much for the car behind him?