@SCbchbum: If you want to know how many hours your mom was in labor with you, tell her you won't be able to come over & visit.
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@DanMentos: [at dentist] so your X-rays look grea- *phone rings* hold on *on phone* a new engine? jesus, ok so as I was saying you have several cavities
@GulfCoastJake: Tip: When the cop asks you "Do you know how fast you were going?" do NOT respond with "I know, right?!"
@envydatropic: I'm no auto mechanic but I'm pretty good at letting people who drive behind me know whether or not they need new brakes