@trevso_electric: If you want to know what a girl will look like in 30 years, stop talking to her and show up to her house in 30 years to check on her.
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@KentWGraham: A woman saying "I'm not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won’t feel a thing."
@david8hughes: [egg store] Me: what kinda eggs are these? Clerk: chicken eggs Me: u got dog eggs? Clerk [holdin up a sign saying meet me out back in 5]: no
@caseytduncan: Ooop, you spit-talked on me. I'm just gonna pretend nothing happened and freak out inside my mind.
@gurl_sour: Police found the neighbourhood paedophile shot in the head 27 times. Authorities ruled it the worst case of suicide in a decade.