@LindseyEllison2: If you want to look mysterious I would suggest painting your cornea with a sharpie. Always works for me.
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@pinapl: When I have more than $20 in my account at the end of the month I have to wonder what bill I forgot to pay.
@marcmack: My son called me 'Marc' I said "That's a little presumptuous. Call me Dad" He replied "Now who's being presumptuous?"
@Brianhopecomedy: *wife stares at me* *I stare at her* *she frowns* *I smile* "You didn't notice my new-" "NICE HAIRCUT AND GLASSES." "Dress."