@Donna_McCoy: If you want to piss off a narcissist, just tell 'em that subtweet wasn't about them.
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@adamhess1: I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
@ArfMeasures: OWNER: The museum's ready? ME: All the artichokes are in place OWNER: Ha, you mean artifacts [I slam the door shut] ME: U cannot go in there
@WGladstone: I put my pants on like everyone else: with difficulty, blaming the dryer for shrinking them.