@Donna_McCoy: If you want to piss off a narcissist, just tell 'em that subtweet wasn't about them.
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@man_spach: [on a test drive] Me: Haha the heated seat feels like I peed my pants! Dealer: This car doesn't have heated seats. Me: Does it have napkins?
@dubstep4dads: [sees kid crying] Kid: Im lost Me: that's ok. We're all lost. Happiness is an illusion. Life is meaningless. Death is around the corner. Bye
@iwearaonesie: *wife offers me a sip of her water* m: Am I gonna catch what you have? w: No m: w: m: Are you sur- w: You're not going to get my period!