@iwearaonesie: if you want your wife to take you seriously, don't throw your sippy cup during an argument
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@DevilryFun: Before marriage: fantasizes spending life together. After marriage: fantasizes spending life insurance alone.
@ArfMeasures: GF: So we just wanted to say we're engaged! HER DAD [looks at me] you should have asked me first ME: You're not really my type though
@PhoenixRises69: Kate on Facebook can't believe the ordacity of some people. I can't believe the audacity of people who use big words that they can't spell.
@EverydayGirlDad: As a kid playing parent, I never accounted for the 8 hours a week I'd lose taking underwear out of inside out pants while doing laundry.