@papasuncle: If you watch 2016 backwards, it's a heartwarming story of how celebrities can come back to life just by trending on the Internet.
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@Quartzjixler: I requested the number 867-5309 from my cellular provider because I like being annoyed to the point of rage.
@YesitsAl: Wife thinks I was present for every conversation she's had with anyone, ever, and assumes I know what the hell she's talking about right now
@kentgrossarth: I don't understand why gyms have mirrors. I know what I look like. That's why I'm here.