@papasuncle: If you watch 2016 backwards, it's a heartwarming story of how celebrities can come back to life just by trending on the Internet.
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@bobvulfov: FRIEND: do u want to hang out this weekend ME: generic excuse FRIEND: did u just say "generic excuse"
@BlindChow: The remote isn't working! And the TV's stuck on Food Network again! "Are you in the kitchen?" Yes. "Honey, that's the microwave."
@iwearaonesie: wife:Gotta go. You guys gonna be ok? me [making my Pop-Tart pop out of the toaster and trying to catch it] Come on! wife:9, you're in charge