@_ElvishPresley_: If you watch Benjamin Buttons backwards it’s very confusing bc you can’t understand what people are saying
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@funflaps: [doing my stand-up comedy routine to an audience of crickets] guys, just tell me, are you enjoying this or not?
@Sickayduh: "Happy birthday! " - Oh wow! A necklace! I love- wait... Did you get me a fake diamond? "Well, it's not really your 29th birthday either"
@bobvulfov: COP: careful, this guy's insane DETECTIVE: ok [he walks into the interrogation room] ME: i dont like the creme part of oreos D: jesus christ