@senorwinces: If you watch Intervention backwards, it's about a person partying hard after an awful family reunion.
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@UNTRESOR: I wish there was some sort of idiom to describe how easily I just took that lollipop from that infant.
@vineyille: Me: Just a glass of water Scientist waiter: You mean a glass of... yourself? You see, the body is made up of ok ok sit down I'll bring it
@ingerlishman: Yes officer, I know my driving is not 100% perfect, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.
@Tommytoughstuff: [getting an x-ray] TECHNICIAN: Quit putting that box of chocolates on your chest. ME: Just tell me which ones are coconut.