@Home_Halfway: If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it's an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
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@david8hughes: [at the aquarium] Son [pointing at a large tank]: daddy what's that Me: tank Son: no what lives in the tank Me: water
@LifeUnPinterest: As a parent, you learn to accept you can't run away from your problems. They will find you. And they will demand fruit snacks.
@HMittelmark: Men want to be him. Women want to be with him. Bears want to eat him. Botflies want to lay their eggs in his skin. Fish are unaware of him.
@joeldanger: When I see guys with skinny jeans and skin tight T's on I pretend they are actual giants who woke up tiny and just had nothing else to wear.