@SortaBad: If you watch Sleeping Beauty backwards it's about a prince who was so charming he kissed his girlfriend and she fainted for 17 years
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@SCbchbum: The funniest part about The Bachelor is the participants actually think being married is a prize.
@BobTheSuit: CIA: So what did you call that new tracking software we put on everyone's iPhone? NSA: "U2's New Album"
@Underchilde: I opened Twitter at a red light once, and when I looked up, a week had passed and I was sitting in police impound.