@huntigula: If you watch "The Empire Strikes Back" backwards it's about a kid so traumatized to learn his dad's identity he starts hitting on his sister
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@ashmensch: *writes on wall in ketchup* THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS HAS BEEN OPENED Boss: What the hell are you doing? Me: Somebody ate my corndogs.
@MichaelTrying: The worst part of being named Michael is repeatedly being broken up with via a text that states *drops Mike*