@iQuoteComedy: If you watch the Harlem Shake backwards, it's a video about a guy who parties longer than everyone else.
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@graceful_asfuck: Interviewer: Where do you want to be in 5 years? Me: Oh, it doesn't matter. You will have fired me well before then.
@HollyHeals: Ever have the shower curtain touch you unexpectedly and start karate chopping the air?? No, me either.
@underchilde: [First Date] Me: "So what do you like to do when you're not working?" Her: *Drifts in and out of consciousness* Me: "Me too!"