@noog: If you watch Wall-E backwards its about a little robot that would rather live alone forever than deal with fat people.
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@Laser_Cat: *gets pulled over* Do you know how fast you were going? *pulls string* *inflates emergency mustache* Oh sorry officer. You're free to go.
@NervousJr: The same woman who said "I'm your mom not your friend" has sent me 17 Facebook friend requests.
@BestestNerdDad: When dating, I only have 3 dates to get a woman hooked on me because thats how many nice shirts i have.
@pakalupapito: If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror-movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.