@whippedjelli: if you wear a bikini instead of a bra you can go out with wet hair & people will just think you've been swimming which is athletic not lazy
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@vineyille: Day 20. Still lost at sea. Crew thinks I know how to plot a course with a protractor. I just like making it walk on the map. Pointy Leg Man.
@Cryborg2000: [calling my cousin while babysitting his kids] yo the one with the ski mask and the knife is refusing to go to bed
@josh___grant: Don't people with bumper stickers realize it takes a t-shirt to change a person's deeply held beliefs?