@KentWGraham: If you wear a Bluetooth phone piece in your ear, you can say “You’re an idiot” to just about anyone you walk past.
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@midnightwhale: [police station] "sir you get one phone call." [calls 911] "hello 911 what's your emergency?" yeah a bunch of pricks are holding me hostage.
@House_Feminist: "They say some of history's greatest minds could function on very little sleep" I explain to squirrel as I water the car at 4am