@samfromks: If you wear a man bun in a dimly lit restaurant and I call you ma'am... That's on you.
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@sixfootcandy: [date] Him: So where are you from? Me: According to my parents, I was born in a barn.
@envydatropic: Current life status - By the time I figure out what nostril is plugged, it jumps to the other side.
@david8hughes: [speaking at funeral] Deceased's brother: there's no words to describe the anguish we all feel right now Me: what about 'anguish'?
@GrantTanaka: Wife: oh honey, I didn't marry for money, the guy I fell in love with had an easy smile, a sparkling laugh & big dreams. then I met you.