@DanorSlim: If you wear a onesie to a wedding, no one will ever invite you to another one.
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@mrjohntofu: I like how liquor stores wrap booze bottles in complimentary barf bags.
@GoldenSpirals: Me: Goodnight Moon. Moon: Don't "Goodnight" me! Do you know what time it is? Where the hell have you been?
@ElleOhHell: Damn girl, are you a maple tree? Cause I would tap that, and you have an impressive root structure which is where this metaphor falls apart.
@3sunzzz: My therapist encouraged me to stop bending over backwards for people. But just between us, I really miss yoga.
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