@DanorSlim: If you wear a onesie to a wedding, no one will ever invite you to another one.
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@combatacademysd: To me, being Single means never having to apologize.. Unless someone drops by my disgusting house unannounced
@zaktoscani: Co-worker got his lunch stolen and they’ve agreed to let him watch the security camera tape. This is the most excited I’ve ever been at any job ever. Ever.
@DaddyJew: I'll have a salad but on top of a burger with cheese "So you want a cheeseburger?" Yes but when you bring it to me say here's your salad