@combatacademysd: To me, being Single means never having to apologize..
Unless someone drops by my disgusting house unannounced
@zaktoscani: Co-worker got his lunch stolen and they’ve agreed to let him watch the security camera tape. This is the most excited I’ve ever been at any job ever. Ever.
@DaddyJew: I'll have a salad but on top of a burger with cheese
"So you want a cheeseburger?"
Yes but when you bring it to me say here's your salad
@Cool_Jesse: NO, YOU GET THE HELL OFF YOUR PROPERTY.
@yenniwhite: Me: Can you remember life before Amazon?
Husband: Yes. We had more money.
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