@DanorSlim: If you wear a onesie to a wedding, no one will ever invite you to another one.
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@DecantAndPour: I drink a glass of red wine a day for health benefits. The other 7 glasses are just for me.
@PostCultRev: I asked two Uber drivers to pick each other up and am watching them chase each other in circles around my block until they run out of gas.
@huntigula: [job interview] Last test: put ur hands on the desk & don't move [plays 'In The Air Tonight'] [I begin violently shaking as drum solo nears]