@PLATINUM2000: If you were a tree you'd be a bonsai, and if you were mine you'd be dead by now.
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@nigelgodwin: I always have a suicide note in my shower so that i wont look stupid if i ever slip and crack my head
@leslid79: I wear my heart on my sleeve because if I wore it on my chest, it'd just get mustard stains on it.
@longwall26: Cat Negotiator: Ok, so we'll shit in a box in your house and you will clean it up Humans: And you will be a loyal friend Cat: hahahaha sure
@hardlyrelevant: Me: (from the back of the ambulance) CHANGE THE RADIO Medic: Sir you need to conserve your strength Me: I AM NOT DYING TO A COLDPLAY SONG