@lucyworld1: If you weren't supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn't package them in rows of 15.
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@qwertying: Like a true gentlemen, I always put women and children first. I hate walking into spiderwebs...
@UncleDuke1969: The only highlight of a brutal moving day: Wife: "That's way too big to fit in the back door." 4 people in unison: "That's what she said!"
@AmandaDuberman: Any woman with three or more exes in her city could have told Obama how to avoid Putin in Normandy.
@Jake_Vig: YOU: I murdered someone. YOUR DOG: I'm totally cool with that. I love you. ****************** YOU: I murdered someone. YOUR CAT: Me too.