@ibid78: If you whisper, "we're being watched," you can hug a stranger for as long as you want. My record is 13 days.
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@AlexvanBeek: It's 2035: By law, all burglar alarms are fitted with projectors so burglars are distracted by dancing Tupac holograms until police arrive.
@lifecoachfit: The most stable relationship I've had is with a guy at the gym who has no idea we've been dating for the past year.
@AbrasiveGhost: [Wife watching news]: The tuxedo store was robbed. Know anything about that? Me in super frilly tux: Nope *Dog walks in also wearing tux*