@Stellacopter: If you wrap yourself up in a blanket, you can show up to work late and say you were just rescued by the Coast Guard.
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@preritpathak: Therapist: Problem? Me: I always quote Eminem lyrics. T: Explain? M: I can't tell you what it really is,I can only tell u what it feels like
@leontymccarthy: I always hold the door for ladies, but they never seem to get in the car when I do that.
@jctwritesstuff: *walks past yoga studio* *looks in window* *eyes widen* Awesome. It's like kindergarten. *walks into class* *unrolls mat* *takes a nap*
@LoveYoorFate: When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce a high five is not the right answer. Or so I've been told. Twice now.