@Stellacopter: If you wrap yourself up in a blanket, you can show up to work late and say you were just rescued by the Coast Guard.
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@vladchoc: For job interviews, your best bet is to dress as a pizza delivery person, march in and say "Who ordered DILIGENCE and ATTENTION TO DETAIL!?"
@shellyspivey: "I wanna know who is responsible for this!" nn-Me to my parents, while pointing at myself.
@rockstarfish: Today, coworker deemed herself "unscareable". Now I have no choice but to hide in the backseat of her car with an axe & correct her grammar.
@NotARatsAss: My dog is so passive-aggressive. She let me sleep in late this morning, but then counter-surfed and stole my breakfast.