@Boleyngirly: If you'd just let me explain, you'd be even angrier.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Carson: No it wasn't a friend it was a close family member. And I didn't stab her I froze her heart. "Sir, that's the plot of Frozen."
@XplodingUnicorn: Pregnant wife: Are you going to be a good big sister? 3-year-old: Babies are jerks.
@iGreenMonk: My girlfriend says she doesn't trust me. At least that's one thing she has in common with my wife.