@goodballs: If your bf/gf is mad at you put a cape on them and say, "Now you're super mad!" If they laugh marry them.
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@KeetPotato: [on quiz show] "and if you won some money today keith, what would you do with it?" *leans way too close into the microphone* spend it alex
@jordan_stratton: Just once, I'd like to sleep as deeply as a cartoon sheriff whose keys are dangling seductively from his belt.
@krismuscookie: *With only office supplies, she diffuses the bomb with 1 second to spare* Boss: What are you doing? Me: *shoves action figures in desk.*
@JVarsityCaptain: I just want to hug this out. With my hands around your neck type of hug. What I mean is, I want to strangle you.