@Dr_awfulpants: If your boss says "Correct me if I'm wrong but aren't you supposed to be in at 8am?" don't correct them. Its a trap. They hate being wrong.
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@raniao2011: When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like I love you for what you have inside. (Me to my fridge)
@rachelle_mandik: Whenever I hear a lady in the next stall trying to unwrap a tampon as quietly as possible I yell, "HEY, IS THAT CANDY? CAN I HAVE SOME?"