@Dr_awfulpants: If your boss says "Correct me if I'm wrong but aren't you supposed to be in at 8am?" don't correct them. Its a trap. They hate being wrong.
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@shutupmikeginn: Putin: I have returned Russia to its glory days, once again we have launched a dog into space Reporter: when will it return Putin: WHat
@EffdotEss: When you pick a name for your kid, type it in Microsoft Word first. If the red squiggly line shows up, please reconsider.
@abbycohenwl: I need an aggressive dog-barking sound on my phone, for whenever anyone knocks on the bathroom door when I'm in there