@Dr_awfulpants: If your boss says "Correct me if I'm wrong but aren't you supposed to be in at 8am?" don't correct them. Its a trap. They hate being wrong.
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@BriarSlyMadness: If you're ever attacked by a mob of angry Vegans... ...don't worry about it. They're too weak to hurt you.
@VeggieMonger: Someone suggested that I try Acupuncture. I don't think adding more pricks will make a difference.
@medievalfun: Jesus:"table for 26 please" Waiter: "but there are 13 of you" J: "yes but we're all going to sit on the same side"