@Vodkantots: If your boyfriend doesn't buy you chocolates today, it's probably because he thinks you're fat.
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@Brocklesnitch: there should be some kind of National Dog and before any politician gets sworn into office we have to see how the dog reacts to them
@GFGander: Sucks when good bands have dumb names. "What are you listening to?" "It's Made Out of Babies, they're really great." "..."
@drunktweets81: I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.