@Vodkantots: If your boyfriend doesn't buy you chocolates today, it's probably because he thinks you're fat.
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@shariv67: I wish my refrigerator would quit opening my bedroom door, staring at me, sighing and walking away.
@MikeZakarian: Anxiety = waiting to see if the middle seat will stay unoccupied as people are boarding your flight.
@Dutch_50: Hey, I'm human. If you cut me do I not bleed? If you cut me a slice of pizza do I not eat?