@Supafunkadunka: If your cat brings home a dead bird and presents it to you, don't be rude. Take a little bite.
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@_Water_Baby: Endless love does not extend to my root beer float. That second straw is decorative.
@freypalm: *montage of me teaching a penguin to do everything my son Brian can do* Wife: Where's Brian? Me: [studying her closely] He's… right here?
@jonnysun: LIFE HACK: eat a cookie evry time u hav a good idea. this asociates idea w/ cookie. now evry time u eat a cookie u will think of a good idea
@Kyle_Lippert: I'm such a disaster that 9/11 and The Titanic would go out on a date together and watch a movie about me.