@jtrulez: If your child builds a snow fort, by law, they have to move out and reside in it.
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@ohheyohhihello: Today I drove through a huge puddle that splashed up under my car and laughed to myself as I whispered, "car bidet."
@AmnesiaRose: I wish I had the confidence to just randomly sit on people and start bathing myself like my cat does.
@dinokitten: [at Chinese restaurant] "Hi I'll have a large goingon" -What is goingon? "Nothing much, just hungry for some Chinese food"
@WheelTod: I can't afford an electric toothbrush, so I just roll a baby hedgehog in some toothpaste and hold in it my mouth for 15 minutes.