@ScottLinnen: If your conspiracy theory doesn't involve cats, don't bother me.
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@PariCalvia: That moment when you leave a store but don't buy anything, and you're telling yourself, "act natural, you're innocent."
@AmericanGent69: 4 year old twins that dress alike: aww that’s cute 40 year old twins that dress alike: ok knock that shit off it’s kinda creepy.
@: *sees somebody on twitter who is more successful than me* I gotta get off this website *switches to Instagram and sees someone hotter than me* Man, fuck this app *goes on Facebook and sees a guy I went to middle school with is in jail for murder* There we go
@FattMernandez: One of my biggest fears is that before I die, spiders will evolve the ability to coordinate their legs and run like horses.